Wednesday, May 5, 2010

INTRODUCTION

Hello and welcome to my newest blog!!! In this blog, I will cover all of the steps that I have carefully taken, to avoid becoming famous. While the rest of the world strives to attain major acclaim and success, I on the other hand love my life the way it is and don't want it to be ruined by becoming too well known. I will show you exactly what to do and if you listen to me and follow the steps, I can almost guarantee you won't make it!

STEP 1 - Start Early

STEP 1 - Start Early: It is imperative that you start early or at a young age, in order for this to be totally successful. There are one of two ways that you can insure that you never get famous... Either don't get an education or spend your early life on drugs, both work fine. If you think that you can ever go anywhere in life without an education, then you are a stupid idiot. I was smart and got a great education, graduating at age 16 and spending most of my early years in college. I was doing too well though and was too smart, so I had to do something to insure that I could not get famous, so I chose to get on drugs and threw all my younger years away on dope. What I didn't realize was that my younger years were my sell-able years, the years that record companies would sign me. It never dawned on me that when I got older, I would no longer be a commodity. I really blew it by wasting my entire life, until the year 2000, until I finally quit, but by then the damage was done to my brain and my chance of being a star was long-gone...

STEP 2 - Don't Believe In Yourself

STEP 2 - Don't Believe In Yourself: The next step and almost most important thing you must do, is abandon any hope or belief in yourself and the fact that you are going to make it. Using doubt and fear, you can ruin your own life really easy and no matter how much people are praying for you and your success, it will always be thwarted by your own unbelief. Even if you do start out believing in yourself, there should be enough negative influences in your life with either friends and/or family telling you that you are deceived or that your music is just a pipe-dream or that you suck. If you listen long enough, you will begin to believe them and there is power in agreement, so now you stand with an army of people who don't believe in you!!!

STEP 3 - Always Think Negatively

STEP 3 - Always Think Negatively: No matter what, you have to keep a negative attitude about everything, especially your music or art. If you put negativity out there in the universe, it will come back to you in the form of you not making it. Once in a while, you might feel inspired to think good thoughts about yourself or your music, but this will only lead to success, so be careful what you think about....

STEP 4 - Use Anger, Hatred & Jealousy

STEP 4 - Use Anger, Hatred & Jealousy: Be sure to use anger, hatred and jealousy to promote your music. People are very put-off by this, so you can almost count on immediate results from any form of negativity that is directed towards someone else. If you are jealous towards other people's success, then chances are, the universe will make sure that you don't make it.

STEP 5 - Move Somewhere Remote

STEP 5 - Move Somewhere Remote: This is not absolutely imperative, but it will surely help, if you can move as far away the entertainment hubs as possible, you have an even better chance of never making it. Avoid places like Hollywood, Nashville, New York, Etc. There are too many opportunities in places like this and if you are located there now, you might want to consider moving somewhere like Grass Valley, California or any other place where people never make it in music or win the lottery.

STEP 6 - Act Like You Are

STEP 6 - Act Like You Are: One thing you will need to do, no matter what is to act like you are doing all this stuff to get famous. That way, people won't ask you why you are so talented, but haven't made it yet. Get a Daily Blog and write in it religiously, but don't expect people to actually read it, cause they won't. Get a Twitter account and start tweeting your every move. No one will give a rat's ass about you or what you are doing, but it still makes it look like you are trying to get famous.

STEP 7 - Do A Show

STEP 7 - Do A Show: If you are a music artist or musician, then you should play a local show and invite all your friends and fans. That way, when five people show up, you will feel so letdown and depressed, that you might even slit your wrists and then you will die! If you are an artist, then do an open-house sometime, to show off your work. When you get a lack of response, it will only confirm that you are a loser and have no business doing what you are doing!

STEP 8 - Believe The Haters

STEP 8 - Believe The Haters: If you are ever going to be unsuccessful in your industry, you absolutely must believe what the haters and your competition have to say about you. Not that it's true, because it's probably not, but if you just agree with them that you suck, you will be way more unsuccessful than if you were to fight with them and tell them that they are wrong.

STEP 9 - Act Famous Anyway

STEP 9 - Act Famous Anyway: One thing that really annoys people, is when some meathead, who has nothing going for him, acts all famous, like he's all that and a bag of chips. Especially if you have moved to a small town and really want to be annoying, you can walk around town all dressed up and tell people stories about that one time that you hung out with Lars from Metallica, bla.. bla... bla...

STEP 10 - Never Give Up

STEP 10 - Never Give Up: No matter what you do, you can never give up sabotaging your life and your success. There are many things you can do, like by being mean to people or spreading hatred and lies, in order to make yourself look better. No matter what means you choose, be sure and stick to your guns and do at least one thing every day, to insure that you will never be famous. Being over 40-years old and playing original music in a band, in the town of Grass Valley, should be sufficient to make sure you never get anywhere in life!!! Good luck and I really hope that this helps you along your way.... Don't ever give up, Loser!